It handles me..........................................

I have always tried to suppress negative feelings--even to the point of forgetting entire episodes of my life that were too difficult to maintain. I have never binge eaten but always have used food as a reward for surviving. Now at 47 I am trapped in a giant body with a husband who is as giant as I am wondering if I will ever know what its like to enjoy sex, or physical freedom or just plain shopping for clothes again. Everything seems insurmountable--not enough money for a gym, or dietitian, not enough friends for support (over the years I have become even further secluded from friends). It's just that at one point before I got married and had children I was feeling really good--I looked good and took care of myself--over the years I have forgotten how to do that and don't know if I can remember again...