The Torture of Living With Your Inner Voice

One of the most difficult features of being an emotional eater is living with the Inner Voice.

Are you familiar with The Voice? The Voice in your head that criticizes you, that makes sure you always know what a loser you are and The Voice that speaks to you in a way that you would never tolerate from a friend or loved one.

Here's an example. You're having a great morning. You're moving happily through your morning routine and when you try on the jeans you planned on wearing you discover that they are way too tight. So tight that buttoning them is out of the question.

The Inner Voice kicks in. Look at you. You're so fat. You're pathetic. Why do you even bother? You are such a loser.

You pull a little harder on the waistband, hoping the adjustment will suddenly make the jeans fit. You look down at the part of your stomach protruding through the gap in your pants and you are reduced to tears.

Reminder

Whenever The Voice appears challenge it. Speak out loud to it while you are driving, sit up in bed and yell at it if it comes to you at night. Scream, curse, call it every name in the book. Do what you must to defend yourself. Don't hold anything back.

The Voice is right there. You should be ashamed of yourself. You find yourself agreeing and thinking, Yes, I am ashamed. The Voice says you are bad, bad, bad. You agree. Bad stomach. Bad me.

In that moment you feel yourself shrink until you feel like nothing. Like empty space. You feel worthless, needy, fat, and you decide that your entire life is worthless.

In reality, nothing has changed in the last ten minutes. You are still the same person who was singing just a little while ago while the coffee was brewing.

How The Voice In Your Head Drains You

The Voice has taken over your strength, passion, and energy and used them against you.

The Voice is merciless and makes you feel so weak, paralyzed and incompetent that it does not even occur to you to challenge the authority of The Voice.

Some people think of The Inner Voice as a carbon copy of their mother or father, or both, but usually it is a composite of authority figures throughout your life with emphasis on your parents.

The Voice leaves you incapable of getting in touch with your own authority or of trusting yourself, even about minor events and issues.

Disengaging From Your Inner Voice

When you disengage from The Inner Voice you have access to yourself again - or maybe for the first time ever.

When you stop responding to the ongoing commentary of your inner critic on your body, your eating, your value, you start to discover yourself, the real you, and you realize what a death grip The Voice has had on every part of your existence.

Suddenly you are free after all of those years in bondage to the inner voice.

Listening or responding to The Inner Voice keeps you bound, ashamed, anxious and panicked. No real or lasting change will occur as long as you are under the spell of The Voice.

The biggest challenge in letting go of The Voice is that you believe what The Voice tells you. No real or lasting change will occur as long as you are under the spell of The Voice.

You believe that you need to hide your imperfections because if others knew the truth they would be horrified. Hiding seems like a good method of protecting yourself. When you believe The Voice you become convinced that your only recourse is to be ashamed of yourself and to try harder to be someone different, someone you're not.

Live "As If"

Geneen Roth, in her book, Women Food And God advises women who have not experienced themselves without the The Voice to live "as if".

Live as if you know you are worth your own time
Live as if you deserve to take care of your body
Live as if the possibilities you long for actually exist

Living as if guides you to a new way of living. It allows you to see that your life can be different. It teaches you that you can work, talk and eat as if you deserve to be here.

How to Banish Your Inner Critic

To disengage from The Voice you may have to speak to it in ways that you are not used to. Whatever it takes is okay.

It can be very shocking but liberating to find yourself telling The Voice to get lost and not in uncertain terms.

You may have come from a family where anger was not allowed so the thought of screaming back at The Voice can be daunting.

When you muster up the courage and defend yourself from the cruelty of The Voice, you will feel relief.

Write it all down as well. As you do these things, notice your energy coming back. You feel alive again. You have yourself back. You are free!

Life Without The Voice In Your Head

Once you disengage from The Voice you can ask yourself if you feel comfortable at your current weight. Do you feel healthy, energetic, awake? If the answer is no you can decide what to do about it that will fit into your life.

After disengaging you may decide that you don't feel good when you eat sugar. You may want to see a doctor or consult a nutritionist.

You might decide that you need to make other changes as well - maybe your job, your spouse, where you live.

Maybe you decide that you need to move your body more.

Voice induced decisions cannot be trusted. They are made from shame or guilt or deprivation and they do not last.

Instead ask yourself what you love. Ask yourself what motivates you to practice kindness and to take care of yourself.

Trust your answer.

Source:Women Food And God, Geneen Roth

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