Emotional Hunger Cannot Be Satisfied With Food

Sometimes we are hungry for something other than food. We call this emotional hunger and it occurs when we want to eat even though we are not physically hungry. Emotional eaters try to cover up and avoid the pain that they believe they will experience if they face their emotions.

Characteristics of Emotional Hunger

Emotional hunger develops suddenly.
You will experience emotional hunger above the neck (not in the stomach.
Emotional hunger is unrelated to time. It can occur at any time, seemingly out of nowhere and it can persist for long periods of time. Emotional hunger demands that you eat NOW.
Emotional hunger does not go away just because you are full.
Eating as a result of emotional hunger usually leads to shame and guilt which can then fuel another round of emotional hunger and turn into a binge.
Emotional eating is often mindless. That is, you are not even aware that you are eating. You sit down with a bag of chips and before you know it the bag is empty and you don't realize you've eaten that much.

Sometimes the pain can be so intense that you may eat until you are so full that you literally pass out. The goal is to numb yourself from whatever painful emotion has come up. It can be a signal that there is a need in our life that is not being met or it can be connected to a painful experience from the past.

When you experience emotional hunger it can be difficult to identify and it can be even more difficult to know what emotion you are feeling and trying to avoid by eating.

How To Learn What You Are Hungry For

It can be very scary to identify the feelings behind your emotional hunger. First, because of the pain associated with the emotion that you will have to face if you identify and acknowledge the feeling and second, because you have been avoiding the feelings for so long that you may have buried them so deep that you can't recognize them anymore.

For an extensive list of emotions click here.

It is normal to have feelings, but it can be hard to manage them. Feeling sad, unloved, lonely, guilty, ashamed, helpless, confused, disappointed, angry, embarrassed, resentful, worried, nervous and even bored can send you straight to the refrigerator or pantry if you are unwilling to deal with the feeling.

What Are You Hungry For?

Are you hungry for a hug, or a friend. Are you frustrated at work? Are you ashamed of your overeating or your weight? Have you isolated yourself from others because of your weight or body image.

Identifying the emotions you are unable to express and letting yourself feel the feelings is the first step toward a more fulfilling life that does not center around food. When you want to eat but you know it is not physical hunger, stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself what is really going on with you at that moment. Then take steps to deal with it.

You may have been advised to find something else to do when your mind is on food and you are not hungry, but that can sometimes reinforce your avoidance behavior.

You must learn to face your feelings instead of covering them up with food or with other activities that take your mind away from food (and the feelings you are trying to avoid.)

Emotional Do and Don't Lists

In her book The Food and Feelings Workbook, Karen Koenig, LCSW, M.Ed gives the following advice.
Do:

allow yourself to be vulnerable with people you trust
Fully experience every emotion
be open and accepting of your emotions
be curious rather than judgmental about your emotions
use people to comfort yourself when you feel badly, instead of focusing on food
let your emotions come and go as they please without fear
populate your inner circle with people who are emotionally mature and healthy
take your time to figure out what you are feeling
use your feelings along with your judgment to help you reach your goals, eating and otherwise

Don't

pretend you don't feel anything when you do
ignore or minimize painful feelings
believe that anyone knows better than you do what you are feeling
let people shame or humiliate you because you expressed your feelings
avoid feelings because they make you uncomfortable
worry about feelings making you fall apart
be so concerned about hurting other people's feelings
focus on food when you are experiencing a painful emotion
be hard on yourself while you are taking time to get the hang of this emotional thing
dwell on your feelings after they have given you the information you need to make changes in your life